Begin Again

Well that was a doozey.

 October has been rough. And not just a little bit, “oh my life is so busy and crazy” rough. Like my whole world got taken and shaken upside down and I spent the last 30 days dodging falling pieces and watching them shatter when they hit the ground. But I’m hoping that the worst of it is passed and I am still standing. Even if things start falling again, I will duck and dodge and at the end I will still be standing.

I lost my best friend this month. Not as in she died, but as in the person that’s been my closest confident for 6 years decided that she no longer wanted me in her life. As with the end of any relationship it was complicated and there were a lot of reasons for it. It sucked and it’s been awful, but I can see now that it was for the best. We were/are becoming different people. With different priorities, and we were holding each other back. I was always going to be the chubby side kick to her beautiful shining star. But I’m working hard to not have that chubby descriptor applied to me, and I have no interest in being a side kick and supporting someone else’s vision any more. So maybe I am the one that changed, and maybe it is my fault that we’re no longer friends. But I LOVE who I am and I’m so stoked about who I am becoming. If her best friend having confidence and becoming a happier person threatened her, then I guess that’s not really about me is it? I realized that I didn't like the people that she was surrounding herself with, and it was also a good lesson for me, in that we become like the people we're around, wether or not we realize it.

Regardless of the reasons or the necessity, losing her was hard. And she took away B. Without letting me say goodbye or bury my face in his fur one more time. And that is unforgiveable. Every time I felt like maybe I should bow to her demands and apologize when I did nothing wrong, for the thousandth time, I thought of how heartless it is to do that and I knew that I would never really forgive her, or ever trust her again. I miss him every single day. I know someday I will get a dog, and I will love that dog the way that I love Bentley, but right now it’s hard. I hope that she’s taking the time to give him the attention that I did, when I was home with him all the time and she was never around.

That all happened at the beginning of the month, and after a roller coaster of interviewing new roommates and possibly having to move out myself, I have a new roommate that moved in mid-october. She’s wonderful and I’m so excited that I found her and that she agreed to move in. it’s the beginning of something new and exciting and I do love an adventure.

Just when all of that got settled and I thought okay, now everything is going to be fine, last week, I got in a car accident. I’m fine and the other person is fine, but I’m injured enough that soccer (and all other exercise) is completely out of the picture, and my beautiful car that I spent so long looking for is a total loss. I’m losing my mind not being able to work out (sorry Doc, walking is NOT exercise) and being in near constant discomfort (do you realize how much work it is just to hold your head up? Cause I do.) isn’t helping my mood.

It’s okay though. Today is a new month. One of my favorites (after October, ironically) and my favorite holiday is coming up! Gobble Gobble Gobble! I’m healthy, I’m getting a new car, and I have a wonderful funny new roommate that I’m getting to know. And it could have been worse, it all could have happened over a week instead of a month, or I could have been seriously hurt in the accident. I could have not found a roommate, or found one that’s not as wonderful as the one that I have.

I’m excited for this month. I’m excited to continue getting to know all the new friends that I’ve made. I’m excited to begin studying for the GMAT and begin the next adventure. I’m also grateful that I have the ability to find the good in life, and pursue it without hesitation. So here’s to a renewed effort to write, and a happy, fun, and healthy fall!