Goals

The last few weeks, I have lost all motivation. At first I thought I was just tired from too much fun along with overtraining. But it’s been a few weeks now. And I still have no motivation. No motivation to go to the gym. No motivation to do laundry, clean the house, go to work. Nothing. I even lack motivation to do fun things, like going out with friends.  Luckily this is not the first time I’ve gotten lazy and un-motivated, so I know how to shake it off and keep going. For starters, I do it anyway. I go to the gym anyway, even though I really don’t want too, I make the healthy dinner at home, instead of stopping for food. Secondly, I start setting really small manageable goals; so small you’ll probably laugh at them. Goals like: don’t eat that one cookie. Complete your whole work out today. Hold this plank position for 10 more seconds. When I accomplish those goals, even though they are small, I’m happy, it feels good. With these small goals, I relish the accomplishment for what it is. I don’t wish that I held plank for 20 seconds instead; I don’t think I should have doubled the workout I did. I’m proud of accomplishing exactly what I set out for, and nothing more.

All of this little goal setting, and achieving has gotten me thinking about the bigger goals that I have in life and how I never really appreciate the achievement of them. It seems that when I come close to accomplishing a goal I’ve set for myself, I’m already thinking of a new better goal. I never stop to congratulate myself and appreciate the goal I just achieved. This month I will hit a big goal that I set for myself. When I started losing weight, I set small 10lb goals, but my “far off in the distance” goal was to be 45lbs lighter than I was. I am currently 2lbs away from that goal that I set for myself 18 months ago. When I started I thought of all the things I would do for myself when I hit that goal, buy those jeans I wanted from Nordstrom, get that running gear from lulu lemon, buy the coach bag I had my eye on (I might have a shopping problem, but that’s for another post). I used those potential rewards to go to the gym when I didn’t want to, to not eat the food that I did want. But then when I got within about 10lbs of the goal I had set, I altered the goal, so that my ultimate goal was to lose 60lbs, not 45lbs.

This doesn’t matter in and of itself. The point of the rewards was to accomplish the goal, which I have done. The stuff doesn’t matter and I’ve done plenty for myself along the way (losing 40lbs means a lot of new clothes). The bigger question I’ve been pondering is, when I get that new goal, will I be happy? Will I like what I see in the mirror, will I be satisfied? I thought that when I hit the 45lb goal I would be, but I’m not. So then, when I hit the 60lb goal, will I already have a new goal? To be more toned, to have a flatter stomach, to be stronger and lift more weight and do more pull ups; seems like maybe I already have those goals, but haven’t fully articulated them.

I think what I’m coming to realize is that I will never be fully satisfied. I will always be striving to be better than I was. That wanting to have more, and be better is how I got where I am. So long as I remember to be happy with where I am, as well as excited about where I’m going, I can’t lose.

The thing is that although the best is yet come, where I am is pretty great too.