18 months ago I decided to change my life. I didn’t know at
the time that that was what I was doing, but it was. I was very overweight, and
very unhappy. I was settling. But I didn’t know those things either.
In March of 2011 a friend talked about going to Portland for
a weekend, and running a race with friends. It sounded so fun. But I was
seriously overweight and a runner is the last thing anyone would call me. I
talked about going with her, just to hang out. She said I should run. I said no
way, I could never do that. She said why not?
Those two words changed my life. Why not? Why shouldn’t I
have everything I want? The only person that’s ever holding me back is me. She
told me to pick out a race in a couple of months, to train and she’d do it with
me. So I did. We picked a race in Sept, in Lake Chelan. I had 6 months to be
able to run 6 miles, my quarter of the marathon that our team would complete.
In that moment, talking about where we would stay and what we would do, it
seemed like the greatest idea anyone ever had.
That night I went to the gym, to run. I have never been a
runner. I’d been an athlete , in High School, but a softball player, that
counted on a long hit, not a quick sprint. I read about starting to run and
interval training, so I figured I’d run a mile, running 2 minutes walking 1
minute. Easy, right? Wrong. Those 2 minutes were the longest 2 minutes of my
entire life. I didn’t even make it through. Walking for 1 minute? Forget about
it, walking for 5 minutes at least until I could breathe again. It was the
worst idea ever, me running. But I
wanted to do this. At first for my pride, how could I tell my marathoning
friend that I couldn’t run for 2 minutes? Or that after those runs, if you can
even call them that, I hurt so badly I could barely walk back into my house
from my car? So my pride kept me going; running on treadmills or on sidewalks,
4 days a week, until I could actually run those 2 minutes straight. Then those
2 minutes became 5 minutes, then 7 minutes, then 10. And it was amazing. At
some point it wasn’t just my pride anymore. I looked forward to those runs! I
couldn’t wait to get out there. It still hurt, but the physical hurt was so
much less than the joy I took, I could see my progress, in my times, in the
lengths I could run, eventually on the scale.
As summertime came around I faced a new challenge. Other
runners. These girls that were running past me, not breaking a sweat, easily
running twice as fast as me; most of them weighing 70-100lbs less than I did. I
made a decision then, not to let them get to me. It’s a decision I still
struggle with everyday, to define myself and not be defined by who’s around me.
I was out here, I was doing this. I was on my way to being them. I decided to
let them motivate me instead of hold me back. Why not?
The support system I had (and have) around me is incredible,
it was that support system that made this transformation possible. A mom that
was so excited for me every day, when I called. Cheered me on that I had run
that run 1 minute faster, or gone .5 miles further. Always genuinely excited
for the smallest accomplishment, and always willing to listen to me talk about
the same thing I had talked about every day for months. My roommate was equally
supportive going on runs with me, excited about every pound, every mile. She
would never (and still won’t ever) listen to one negative thing. Really if
you’re saying terrible things about yourself, what do you expect others to say?
If everyone had a cheerleaders like these, we would all accomplish all of our
goals.
I met my running
partner in May. I was so excited about running I would talk about it to anyone
that would listen, and luckily Mylissa did. She was a runner before having kids
and wanted to get back into it, so she did. Why not? The first day we went for
a run we did 4 miles, which was a long run for me at the time, and a really
long run for a woman that hadn’t been running in 2 years. I told Missy that I
ran 10 minutes, then walked for 1 minute. After the first 10 minute interval,
Missy told me I could run straight through, and didn’t really need walking
breaks anymore. So that’s what we did. Why not?
In the course of our runs we talked about everything, about
her life and my life and her kids and husband and my boyfriend. We talked about
goals and plans and dreams. She taught me so much about being strong and going
after whatever you want. I would not be where I am without her support and
encouragement. She was always pushing me, we can one run mile further, we can
sprint to the end, we can do 2 long runs this week. She told me about the half marathon that she
had run. She said we should run one, plan a girls
weekend, let’s go to Leavenworth she said. So we did.
We ran and on those runs I figured out what I wanted and
what I deserved. And that they were the same. Running gave me time to think
about my life, to get some reflection. Instead of just living, I was deciding
how I wanted to live. It’s a simple but novel concept. Are you deciding your
fate? Or just dealing with what’s being handed to you?
In October of 2011 I ran my first half marathon. My goal was
to run the full 13.1 miles and I did. In those 8 months I had taken big steps
to changing my life. I had lost 18lbs,
but more importantly I had decided that I deserved everything I wanted. I
eliminated anyone from my life that wasn’t 100% supportive of me, along with my
self-doubt and those 18 pounds.
Since that day in October when I did what I never thought I
could do, I’ve kept up that mentality. Why not? I’ve lost an additional 20lbs
bringing my total pounds lost in 18 months to 38. I’ve dropped from an unhappy
size 16/18 to a confident size 8/10. People ask me a lot how I did it. I could
tell them about all the different work outs I’ve done, to ward off monotony and
muscle plateau. I could talk about the ways I’ve tried to alter my diet, while
still enjoying food and being a cook and baker. I could talk about how when I
started I knew I was overweight but I didn’t realize how unhappy I was about
it, so losing weight wasn’t the goal. Running was the goal. And running is a
lot more dependable than weight loss. I got my satisfaction, my motivation, my
momentum from the miles and minutes, not the pounds. The pounds were a happy
accident. When people ask me how I did it, I say I just did, why not?
I wish that I had documented the last 18 months. But like I
said, I didn’t realize I was changing my life. I wish that I had stopped along
the way to truly thank all the people that were helping me, supporting me, and
generally being there for me. Without them, I don’t think I could have achieved
any of it. I hope they know that it was their encouragement, support, and
willingness to do whatever I needed that allowed me to accomplish the things I
have. In the last year I ran a half marathon. I completed a triathlon. I ran a
5k in the snow. I learned to snowboard. I did a 42 mile bike ride.
What will I do in the next year?
I am still a work in progress, which brings me to the point
of this current writing endeavor. I want a record of what’s left of this
journey. I have 3 weeks until my next big event, a 12 mile, 24-obstacle race,
to take place in the Pacific NW in the end of September. It will be physical
grueling, the actual physical feats, as well as the conditions. Ask me if I
could do that a year ago? Why not? More like probably not. But here I am. So
I’m hoping to keep a check on myself and my goals here.
I have 20 more pounds to lose, and they say those last 10
are the hardest.
But I used to say I wasn’t a runner. So what does anyone
know?
Before In Progress
No comments:
Post a Comment